the past six months have been probably the toughest time
in a life that seemed to be nothing but 'toughest times'.

it was hard being a youth minister
but it was way harder stepping down
and going back into music
and leaving everyone behind (again)
and not knowing where I'm going
and not having enough money to pay my bills
and yadda yadda yadda

but today I get to track vocals on a major label release
and I get paid a lot
and I'll get album credit.

after six months of pure crap
i hit the 'mother load'.  without even trying.

I can not count the number of times in my life that I've felt like Job
"I wish I'd never been born".  or like Paul "to live is Christ, to die is gain"

but I've come to see that that feeling is the worlds grip on us
and Christ's power crucifying it.

bottom line - you got to press through.  no matter what.

you know what the difference between life and death is?

Death says "nothing (good or new) can ever happen"
that's what it means to be dead.  nothing new will ever happen again.

Life says "hey - ANYTHING can happen.  you're alive!"

Don't let the devil steal your joy.
If you sometimes feel like you wish you'd never been born -

Just hang in there.  wherever you are.

"you got to be present to win"  anon

"I came that they might have life, and life abundant"  Jesus.

I think God really understands our struggles, and even a lot of stuff that we think He’s mad at us about – He’s really not.  He’s a loving, watchful Father.  BUT… I think He hates more than anything in the world – gossip and two-facedness.  Why?  Because He built us for relationship. That’s the whole purpose of the human race – to give God friends, children, lovers – a Bride in His church.  And therefore, He would rather have us honestly angry or sinful – than two-faced.  Insincerity is probably the greatest sin, next to callousness towards each other (but then, don’t they kind of go hand in hand?)  Because sin is separation from the Father, and we can’t be intimate with Jesus if He’s the Truth and we’re – dishonest.   

It's funny- many otherwise good Christians have a strong tendency to never do things directly - they'll smile to your face, hug you, 'bless you' - and just rip you apart behind your back.  And it's ok - as long as they say "bless his heart...(he's dumb as a post)".  The irony is - I think they really think they're doing a good thing - trying to 'love their neighbor' - by putting on a good face.  In other words, behind your back - they can despise you - but if they're genteel to your face, that qualifies as "trying to love someone that is unloveable".  And they think God is giving them credit for this (storing up treasures in Heaven) - when in fact, it's one of the few things that makes Him truly angry with us.   Because it hurts others, and inevitably carries over into our relationship with Him.

how sad.

what a week.  I am SO sorry about Nathan.
I really thought Eddie did a great job at
the service, though - his message was really
great.  I'm so sorry for the life Nathan could
have had, (should have had)
and for all the grief and suffering his death brings us -
but I know in my heart he's with God,
and for today,
that'll have to be enough.

I've been really, really, sad the past few days -
but today I feel better.
and that's ok.
it doesn't bring him back, or help anyone else,
for me to be down - in fact, quite the opposite -

if joy and depression are both contagious.

which one would God rather we spread?

John 12:24 "Most certainly I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit."  

It's amazing to watch God work. 

Hey -

I guess the word has probably gotten out that I've
asked the Church to help us find a new Youth minister.
I just really want you guys to know a few things.

First - this really is just a 'God -thing'.  Nobody
"made me mad" - it's not because anyone
did anything wrong, or didn't try hard enough,
or even just because attendance is down. God is just
telling me that it's the best thing for the group.  So
I want you to pray about it in CONFIDENCE.
God has someone AMAZING He's been preparing
for our group, and the reason He's moving me out,
(or asking me to step down) is just that THEY
are the person who is best for us.  So this is going
to be a GOOD thing!

Second - I really love you guys.  More than you'll
ever know.  It's really hard to do this.  But
love is a choice.  And sometimes, when you
really love someone, God will tell you that
the best thing you can do for them -
is to let go.  If I tried to hold on right now, it
would be because it's what seems best for me -
not because it's what is best for you.
God has made it clear to me that it is no longer
what is best for you. 

Remember - I'm just a person (and a pretty
flawed one at that!).  You need to hear
the Gospel from different people so
you can find yourself in it - and I'm just
one 'flavor'.  There are other people
who can do this way better than I ever will!
Always remember that we have to plant
our life on the ROCK -
on the Word of God, and on Jesus Christ
Himself.  He'll never leave us, or forsake us,
and He cares intimately about every single
detail of our lives better than even our closest
friend ever could.

I love you guys, and love never fails.  And it
never dies.  It always hopes, and it always
trusts.  So be hopeful.  This is going to be
good - just wait and see.

love ALWAYS,

Rick